Given that I am the only capable human in my family, a fact proven time and time again, you may all release a collective “Really!? Aw, shiiiiiiiit.”.
This Is A Cruel Joke, Right?
- Me: Hey
- Iggy: I blew the ass out of my jeans twice this week.
- Me: ....How...how does one even DO such a thing?
- Iggy: Me thinks I gained some poundage.
- Me: OK...And by the way, you couldn't even say hi first!? Blowing the ass out of your pants doesn't trump manners, bitch.
Happy Birthday To Me
- Kid: What do you want as your birthday gift?
- Me: I've already got you, your brother and father. I'm good.
- Kid: But mom, I want to get you something you'd *like*.
I’ve Decided
Despite my best efforts, my 25th birthday is happening tomorrow. After careful deliberation I have realized what I would truly want as a gift. All I want this year is for Giorgio Tsoukalos to show up and casually say “Aliens” whenever something doesn’t quite add up around here. My impression just doesn’t do it, I’m lacking in the meth-head hair department. Someone make this happen.
royal trux - junkie nurse (by bopka45)
junkie nurse, o junkie nurse
I met you on 11th street
you dropped by and got me high
your smile just leave me beat
junkie nurse, o junkie nurse
I could not love you more,
since I found out you keep the keys
to the safe on the second floor
lovely nurse, my junkie nurse
I never wanna burn you down
so just bring me a prescription
when you next come downtown
dr.moans or dr.jones,
it makes no difference
if he ever cuts you off
he’ll loose his own license
junkie nurse, oh junkie nurse
where ever have you been?
it’s pouring rain,
I’m five hours straight
will you ever be back again?
I call the doc and he’s in shock
the shit has hit the feds
safe as coal he’s in the hole
and I’m right off my head
HA! I was just about to reblog this specifically for you , T before I looked to see who posted it.
I'm Open Minded,But...
- David Childress via Ancient Aliens : Imagine if you will, that the moon is a giant Deathstar...
- Me, sitting at home yelling at the TV : NO. No David! No, I will not!
Goddamn the whole fucking world and everyone in it except you, Carlotta!” ~ W.C. Fields’ last words.
